Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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