dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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