At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
