I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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