pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
