my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
