Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can't special order awesome
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
