he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
