i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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