I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
