It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
