turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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