come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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