Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
