Sponge bath it is.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
