one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
