i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
