Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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