yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
