I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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