I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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