I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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