me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
