I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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