I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
