shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
