My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
