ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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