she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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