We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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