i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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