I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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