Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
