it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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