All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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