Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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