i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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