i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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