Farmville is her only friend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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