my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
