i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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