seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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