I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
