i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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