so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
