I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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