So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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