I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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