she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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