My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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