I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
