The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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