ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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