well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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