then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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