I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
