I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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