just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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