She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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