Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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