Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
