You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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