We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
