At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
