How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
